“And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.” (Qur’an 30:21)
Let me be very clear at the outset. Red Pill & the MGTOW movement are both bastard children of Feminism. Feminism, and in particular third and fourth wave feminism have carried these movements in their womb, nurtured them and eventually gave birth to them.
You reap what you sow.
I am personally convinced that Feminism is a creation of Misogynistic men. The goals and objectives of that movement are:
- Suppression of wages by an increase of labour availability.
- Women spend more than men. Thus, women earning their own capital =increased spending =economic growth.
- Create battle and competition between the genders. Which ultimately leads to break down of families, the end result being women who are often alone and vulnerable. Vulnerable and alone women =perfect opportunity for predacious men.
*I also wanted to add a note here. That being that women who have sexual inclination towards other women or whom are predacious upon other women may also benefit from increased hostilities between men and women. This may incentivize women to ‘try the other side’ since ‘all men are jerks’.
In the experience of many, women in child protection services as well as child protection agencies are women . These women are often those who have inclinations towards other women; and in general do not themselves have healthy or positive relations with men: including their own fathers.
I believe it was Shaykh Abdul Hakim Murad who said it well, “Men and Women are mutually superior.” This is the view that I find best connected to what Islam embraces, and how our Creator designed us.
Ultimately the poison of egalitarianism is problematic. The idea that men and women are equal. Or the idea that any two people are equal for that matter. Equality is too often conflated with sameness. It is a problematic position.
I have laid out a fuller treatment of that topic here: https://primaquran.com/2022/10/04/islam-teaches-justice-not-egalitarianism/
THE MGTOW MOVEMENT & ISLAM
MGTOW =Men Go Their Own Way. Some of the more broader sentiments of the movement is that we live in a world increasingly hostile and bitter to men. In modern marriage men have everything to lose and very little to gain. The only honest women are prostitutes. The transaction is transparent, simple and not complicated. I give you money in return you gratify my desires.
If you were to live in a high rise building, condominium or simply a landed property and look outside of your window what do you behold? What do you see ? You see a world built by men. The high rise buildings, the construction workers, the streets, roads, concrete layers. The trains, the ports, the ships in the ports etc. The most obvious contribution of women to the world, are the people. Without women you do not get people.
RED PILL & ISLAM The red pill is taken from a popular film franchise: The Matrix. In which the character Neo, is confronted with a choice. The blue pill represents Neo continuing to live in a comfortable world of ignorance. The red pill represents having his whole world view challenged only to be shown the ‘truth’.
RED PILL in the context of the current culture wars of Conservatives vs Liberals, Republicans vs Democrats, To Vaccinate or not to Vaccinate has come to embody many ideas that are cherished by the conservative Right. There are many views that Red Pilled individuals and Muslims have in common.
It is important to know that although there is overlap between MGTOW and RED PILL they are not the same thing. Most MGTOW people are often RED PILLED but not all RED PILLED people are MGTOW. RED PILL people could include Muslims, Christians that believe in traditional marriages and traditional values.
“Guide us to the straight path.” (Qur’an 1:6)
Immediately when confronted with the Hegelian dialectic of two opposing or two opposite sides the Muslim has to be immediately cautious. We ask Allah (swt) to guide us to the straight path.
The Muslim is like the person on the tight rope. That tight rope is the straight path. The balance beam is the Qur’an and the Sunnah. If that person leans a little to much to the left they will fall off the rope. If that person leans a little to much to the right they will fall of the rope. The challenge of the Muslim is to navigate between two extremes. To not fall off the rope by giving into the rhetoric of the left or the right.
The Muslim understands context, and nuance. Not everything in the world is with us or against us, black and white, left or right.
MGTOW is a reactionary movement. One extreme, FEMINISM gave birth to.
MGTOW would not have a very high opinion of the first wife of the Blessed Messenger (saw). A man, 25 years of age marrying a woman in her 40s? According to MGTOW women hit “The Wall” when they reach 30 and they are through the wall at age 35.
MGTOW advocates for men to ‘pump’ and ‘dump’ women. In fact, ANY woman that is willing to sleep with a man outside of marriage, is simply speaking “one to be used”.
While, Islam would discourage both men and women from having intimacy with anyone who is not their spouse. And while it could be argued that a woman who puts herself in a vulnerable position reaps their rewards of her actions, our faith does teach us to be kind and merciful.
The toxic masculinity mantra is this: “The system is rigged gentleman. You get into a marriage and in the event of a divorce, the woman gets it all. She gets your hard earned money. more than what is necessary even. That money you are given her is not going to go towards child support exclusively. She will use that money to sleep around with her new lover. The system will dictate to you when you get to see your own children.”
The Solution: The 1 hour coffee date. It is inexpensive. You put a time limit on the date. You can tell rather you have good chemistry. Go for lunch/dinner and agree to split the bill in advance.
All of this is about the man wisely spending his money. Not allowing himself to be taken advantage of. If you like the woman you keep going until you get into her pants; (have sex with her), and than you stay with her, (if you like), or, until you get fickle, or, want to try something new; and finally you dump her. Basically you do that to her before she does that to you. It’s all about who can get over on the other party.
No thought is given to the fact that many of these women may indeed be sincere, and may indeed be trying to pair bond with the man. Many may indeed be genuinely interested in the man. Hoping and waiting for the man to make the commitment to marriage, only to find out she has been played, lied to, or the man has no intention of being with her at all.
So in the MGTOW a twisted form of psychology is used. It is aimed to disempower women by claiming they hold all the cards. “You see the enemy of women is not men, it is promiscuous women.” So on the face of that there is some truth to it. Women today are promiscuous and giving men exactly what they want. Saving yourself for marriage is the advise that Islam gives to both men and women.
However, MGTOW does not address the promiscuous man. So this woman knows the man is married and she is still willing to meet the husband and have an extra marital affair with him behind the wife’s back. Maybe in hopes that man will leave his wife for her.
Islam would advise a man to tell any interested woman that he is already married. MGTOW would not. MGTOW does not address the point at all. Do married men need to inform interested women that they (the married man) are indeed married?
What is not addressed is what responsibility does the man, (the husband) owe to his wife?
MGTOW, ANDREW TATE AND ISLAM.
You need to be warned when searching for this video on YouTube. Though very informative for the purpose of researching the phenomena of the modern and complex relationships between men and women, some of the women in the video are dressed proactively and Andrew Tate uses profanity profusely. Thus, it is not advised to watch such a video around young children, or in a sacred place.
You can search on Youtube: “JustPearlyThings.”
“Andrew Tate & Pearl DEBATE Modern Women | The Pregame Ep 100”
47:00 minutes Listen to what Andrew Tate says:
@48:16 The Married guy in Moscow whom has money is in the club with 19 year old strippers.
The wife is like “What ever don’t care I’m the one who has the money don’t give a $hit.”
Prima Qur’an comment: Does that 19 year old know that the man is married? Now granted there are women who will sleep with a man who is married. But to deny that there are women who will simply not pursue a married man is having a low opinion of virtually all females. That is toxic masculinity.
@48:40 “There has to come a point where you say you know what this guy ticks so many boxes, once a year, twice a year he’s out with is boys does some dumb $hit I’m just going to pretend I didn’t notice because my bills are paid. I’m looked after. I can tell he cares about me. If I have a problem he’s going to fix it. He ticks so many, that’s the smart female move as opposed to go I don’t care how good he is to me he fu#$3d that bi#2ch once so I’m going to leave and f another man who doesn’t love me. It’s just an endless cycle of dumb $hit.You just have to bite the bullet.”
Prima Qur’an comment: So how many times a year does this high profile man get to do some admittedly “dumb $hit?” Is the man advised to be perspicacious? Does he wear protection (a condom) if he is to engage in sexual intimacy with another woman? Or does he bring home venereal disease to his wife, who may also possibly pass it on to any children they have?
If that woman he has sex with gets pregnant? Do they go the abortion route? Is responsibility shirked for a night or weekend of pleasure? Is that something Islam would teach us?
@50:24 “I’m telling you if your a woman the smartest thing that you can do is look after your man. Make him not wanna cheat. Be perfect. But there’s gonna be a time across a 20 year marriage you might just need to be a little bit blind. A little bit. Just a tiny bit. Dont’ look at his phone. It will be cool. You’ll be cool…”
Prima Qur’an comment: What is the data for this? Why would it be across a 20 year span? Why not a 5 year span or 10 year span? How actually dose a woman make the man “not wanna cheat” and yet the man may go out with the boys once or twice a year and so some “dumb $hit” any way?
The host of the program, “JustPearlyThings” is her user name. Ask very good questions.
For example at 52:08 “Do you think men ever fall in love with side chicks?
Prima Qur’an comment: Andrew responds by going on a tirade and totally avoiding her question. It is a very important question that the host ask. Imagine a woman who is loyal to a man and tries to be this “perfect house wife” and does everything she is supposed to do. Than this “side chick” becomes a more permanent part of the relationship. What is odd is that in the whole video discussion Andrew admits to his web cam girls that the men who are giving them (the web cam) women more time and money are more unfaithful than the man who simply sleeps with a woman. Yet, he doesn’t offer advise on how the one night stands, or side hook ups don’t end up being something more long term.
Thus, in fairness to women I have to say this. If a woman is in a situation and she gave it her all and the man does end up spending more and more time with the ‘side woman’ and there is a real fear that her man will leave her for that ‘side woman’ than her move is to go for a divorce and take that man for everything she can. The money, the house, the assets, everything. Why? I tell you why. Survival. She is going to be out of the picture very soon. This is in cases where women in western societies or non traditional societies can get jobs and education. So imagine those places where they can’t. Imagine if those places were to adopt this type of approach to masculinity?
That woman is now going to be divorced, and possibly with his children. Also, according to the MGTOW people her value has dropped significantly. She is “damaged goods”. No other guy wants to raise some other man’s children. She has hit the wall, she is through the wall, she beyond her prime. So in a situation where a man is not going to be honest with the wife (albeit painful) and makes clear his intention to leave her, however, not empty handed. That she was/is a good woman. That she is entitled to financial stability. In the case where the man does not do any of that and we are going to live in a jungle, than the woman’s only recourse is to live by the law of the jungle as well.
Now, how would a woman know if the man intends to eventually tell her about the side chick or not? That’s just it. Without communication there will be a break down of trust. It’s just a matter of who decides to push the big red nuclear button with the letter “D” for divorce first.
@55:30 Andrew Tate says, “Sexual Exclusivity and Loyalty are completely disconnected for males.”
The woman @55:59 Asked a very beautiful question to Andrew. “How do you view sex? Because at the end of the day sex is spiritual unification.
Prima Qur’an comment: Andrew Tate did not engage with that profound question in any meaningful way at all. It is not clear if he see’s sex as a means to have a pleasurable ejaculation, case closed, or a something powerful, where two people pair bond, and/or share something that is very intimate, beyond the physical.
@The 58:00 minute mark the Auntie and the lady in green and shades have an interesting back and forth. The Lady in green and in shades is correct. The average man, working a 9-5 cannot do those things that men with their own business, more free time and more money can do. I should say, usually.
I also want to say that I know plenty of brothers that want to marry more than one woman and also expect both of those women to work. They also expect both wives to just simply agree to this. If they don’t he’s angry and bitter. It’s feminism’s fault! Poligamy is permissible in Islam. However, it is a huge responsibility and many men who desire it need to ensure they are fulfilling their obligations.
To be honest the Lady in Green with shades won that exchange with the auntie.
At 1:01:47 Andrew Tate uses a very twisted form of psychology. One that interestingly enough the women agree with! . (At least in the context of Western or Non Traditional societies) “Women are the gate keepers and women have all the power.”
The Message Andrew Tate is giving women is that men are not your enemy. In a sense promiscuous females are your enemy.
This is why Emory Andrew Tate is not a role model for Muslim men. Don’t get me wrong his message is amazing for those who embrace MGTOW. He is absolutely a role model for teaching you how to get over on women. How to be a player. But that is not the message of Islam.
The truth of it all brothers and sisters and truth seekers is that yes, post modernism is an absolute nihilistic , hedonistic mess.
Feminism is a mess. Feminism begot the MGTOW movement. Feminism has to own that. No question about it. The MGTOW movement is toxic masculinity. A movement that is now growing and threatens the very existence of Western society. Men who are not interested in starting and having families with the modern women. As this ideology grows and spreads it will eventually mean rapid declines in birth rates. Having entire generations brought up in single parent house holds, is not holistic nor healthy.
Another person for the purpose of research that you may want to look into on YouTube is Taylor the Fiend.
You need to be warned when searching for this video on YouTube. Though very informative for the purpose of researching the phenomena of the modern and complex relationships between men and women, some of the women in the video are dressed proactively. I would direct your attention to the comment section. Read it and weep. This is the modern society. By the way this is not meant to be a witch hunt. I do not think that Taylor’s channel needs to be attacked or shut down. Far from it. He is simply trying his best to speak to a generation of men that feel completely sick and tired of the modern woman. Albeit, the channel is an echo chamber, but these people honestly do not see a light at the end of the tunnel.
He is but one channel, there are hundreds like it in almost every language.
SOLUTIONS TO NAVIGATE THE CHAOS
Here are some possible solutions that we as Muslims and truth seekers can use to navigate this chaos.
- We need to return to Allah (swt). We need to follow the Qur’an and the Sunnah. This is not cliche. We truly need to abide by the teachings. This means that the Blessed Messenger (saw) defines masculinity for us.
- Almost all solutions in relation to jurisprudence will always be half baked because we as Muslims are living one foot in and one foot out. This will always be the case until we have Islamic governance. Yes this means doing our level best to re-establish an Islamic Caliphate upon the Qur’an and the Sunnah. This is why some of the solutions I give will be exactly that, half baked, because many of us are living under secular systems.
Imam Ali is reported to have said: “You are only worth the price of paradise, therefore sell yourself at that price.” How beautiful and powerful.
Do not engage in pre-marital or extra-marital sex dear brothers and sisters. It is a way of ruin and it is the way of Satan, who is an open enemy to all of us.
To women out there, never give your body, or give your sacred intimacy to any man who is not your husband. A person who is willing to be committed to you and stand with you through the various trials and tribulations of life.
To the parents: Let your children get married younger. Yes! In Singapore I was surprised to find among Malay, Chinese and Indian people who’s parents were married at the ages of 14 and 15 and grandparents as well. Face it in the United States sexual promiscuity is already happen at a young age. Asking people to remain virgins until they are 30 is anti-fitra and border’s on cruelty and it is simply not compassionate.
For example: Let us say I have a daughter who is going to university in Singapore. There is a young man studying and interested in her. Why can’t they both get married and my daughter still live with me and the young man still live with his parents? Perhaps the marriage, will allow them to focus more on their studies? They girl also feels protected still living under the shade of her parents, and the young man under the guidance and tutelage of his father. Yet, they are both together and if intimacy takes place, it is halal, blessed and not a cause for fitnah.
Allow males to be men!
That is one of the problems. You see there is a difference between being a MALE and being a MAN. Many Muslim males I have encountered are not men. They are 18, 25 and 30 and they are still not a man. They have never been given the opportunity to be a man. Many Muslim males are still 30 plus living at home with their parents, college was paid for by the parents, housing paid for by the parents. They wake up study for school, study for exams, eat meals, go jogging and either play soccer with their friends or scroll endlessly through tiktok and Instagram. The parents have not giving them opportunities to be MEN. They are for all intensive purpose 30 year old boys. That is not very attractive to female suitors. Do encourage your able young males to work if they can. Encourage them to find jobs. Teach them how to be financially stable. Do not give everything to them. If you are allowing males to loaf around your home without contributing financially, physically, doing house work, doing errands for the family, taking charge of task or projects you are encouraging them to be lazy. They will continue to be dainty guys, yet never given the chance or opportunity to be a man. Instill in them responsibility.
If they are given a false image that having a Bugatti, or having a massive physique, or losing your cool and willing to throw hands with another man in the middle of the ring are the only definitions of masculinity our boys will never become men.
Signing prenuptials. Again, Islam as a total system has solutions to marriage dissolution. Yet, my solution is half baked based on the fact that we are one foot in and one foot out. Therefore, I would encourage those who have assets to sign prenuptials. Both the men and the women. Do make sure that during a marriage dissolution that your partner, or ex partner is given what is due to him/her. Beyond that you are not obliged to entertain anything. Surely not the most romantic of suggestions, but Islam does emphasize being practical.
Having better matrimonial sites. Yes, we need matrimonial sites where people can share and upload videos of their families, the places they live. Wouldn’t it be nice to see the perspective family you may marry into? How is their family dynamic or chemistry like? What about the place they live? We also need to cater to those in our Ummah who may have become astray and contracted venereal disease. They need to know that if they have reformed and repented that Allah (swt) is most Loving and Oft Forgiving. That it is possible to share a life with someone who may have a similar condition. Although, admittedly I am not sure how they would protect their identities and data. Yet, it is something that can be and should be looked into.
Chaperone/dating. Yes, I am all about it. Have your son or daughter meet the other person at a park an open area, and have them go for a walk and talk. Have them have lunch together, while you are walking in the mall etc. After all, you should know that they are most likely texting each other without you knowing as is. Best if they meet face to face because that can also cause the hearts to change. A young woman or young man can tell more from a face to face encounter. Do they have chemistry etc.
Being very clear about what you want. I will say this to both the brothers and the sisters, to men and women. You need to be very honest with yourself. What do you feel you bring the table? What is it that you want from life? Who do you think you are as a person?
You see because this is another area where there is no booklet, or speech that is a one stop, fix all solution. There is a scale and the scale can be for various aspects of human existence. One example being sexual libido. There are man and women who are simply asexual and that is fine. There are people in our community who struggle with gender dysphoria. We need to reach out to them with love and understanding. We have men who want a wife, but they also want their space. They may not be that engaged with their partner. That doesn’t mean there is an issue with their partner. It simply means the persona of this guy is that he is more into working on his car, truck, motorcycle, computers, his hobbies. I met many men like this. Many wives think they have no interest in them, or they are even closet gays etc. Yet, there are just men who are like this. It is like a personality trait, introverted and extroverted.
There are men who do want to be with more than one wife. I say to those men. If that is what you want and the first wife you intend to marry is totally against that idea simply do not marry her. Do not marry any woman that is not open to polygamy. If women find themselves unable to find a man to marry because they are not open to that, it is on them.
In my experience in Singapore I have actually had mentioned to be by a Malay Muslim woman, “I am fine with my man seeing another woman, she can have his D@#$ but he cannot marry her. If he dies I do not want the money to be split.”
I mean wow! What to say to that? Than you I had a conversation with a brother who told me flat out: “My wife doesn’t mind if I have a mistress but no second wife!”
So it’s o.k if the husband commits haram, possibly gets this mistress pregnant and exposes your family to shame, and not to mention risk eternal hellfire. Yet, for him to have a second wife is totally off the table?
To be honest this issue used to give me trouble. Because it seemed that Muslim women in general absolutely hated the idea. It was ingrained in their DNA. Or their was an apologetic smack to their response. “Well they can do it but only if they can treat all equal and since none of them can than they better not at all.” In other words, “I am totally against the idea.”
It was only when I encountered couples in poligamous marriages that told me it was a ‘godsend’ and all parties involved were quite happy with the arrangement. It was than I realized it has more to do with conditioning and upbringing than any innate nature. I believe the jealous nature is recognized by Allah (swt) in the Qur’an: “Do not allow yourselves to incline towards one to the exclusion of the other, leaving her in a state, as it were, of having and not having a husband.”
In fact I remember in grade school being very outraged that my friend was spending more time with his other friend than me. So it had less to do with the fact that he had more friends than just me, and more to do with the proportion of time he was spending with the other friend. I felt I was just on ‘stand by’ mode.
So in the scale above 0-3 can represent men who are either asexual, just not interested in sex, or have lower sex drive. They want the company of a spouse, they may even want children. Yet, these people tend to be more in their ‘own world’. Perhaps, 4-6 represents the bulk of men. Fairly active libido, and if given the chance would be polyamorous but are not either due to financial constraints, restrictions placed on them by their spouse. They probably range from those who made their peace with it, to those who probably do suffer in some type of silent resentment. 7-10 Men with very high libido. One partner, the same intimacy with the same individual for 20+ or 40+ years is absolute purgatory for them. They will either cheat on their current spouse, or end up in serial divorces, one after the other.
This scale is only used for sexual libido. There can be similar scales based upon a man’s temperament. The ability to manage emotions. From cool as a cucumber to a man who may have an occasional flair up to someone who is likely to break his wife’s nose and more.
Again, people operate on a scale. People are individuals, and as individuals they are complex.
Advise to Imams/No More Secret Marriages.
The number of Ustaz that are advising men to marry behind their wife’s back is staggering and sad. If you feel that having more than one wife is something you desire, or eventually will have, simply do not marry any woman who is not agreeable to it. No more surprises. Eventually, the first wife, will find out about the other wife. Also, in Singapore we had an Ustaz that was conducting ‘Islamic marriages’ without these being registered by the Registry of Muslim marriages. Yes, they were halal in the sigh of Allah (swt), but because of our half baked , one foot in one foot out situation with secularism the women who were agreeing to this were not protected by the courts.
So Imams, and Ustaz out there. Simply advise the brothers, marry a woman who is agreeable to polygamy or if it is a deal breaker, than divorce his first wife. Sisters, do not do halal marriages, that although accepted and blessed by Allah (swt) afford you no protection in the court system in the event of a divorce.
Better marriage counselors both male/female at Masjids.
This is a huge need in many Muslim communities. Trying to find counselors, that are men and women, who know how to be good listeners and who can walk that right rope not leaning to much to the left or too much to the right, is a challenging task. Yet, one we must not falter on.
Marry those beyond your normal circle. When in Rome… as they say. So, many western men who are simply done with the post modern liberated woman simply decide to find wives over seas. So now you are reading this it means you must have access to the internet. Therefore expand your circle.
Example: In Singapore many Muslim men find marrying women here to be troublesome. This is due to the fact that in too many cases the brides parents will ask for a very large dowry or may want their daughter’s to finish off their doctorate or masters first. So, for the young man who is on his own time line and not someone else’s he will marry from Muslim women in Southern Thailand, Southern Philippines, Indonesia, etc.
Love yourself. After loving Allah (swt) and his Blessed Messenger (saw) in reality the person you need to love the most is yourself. Not in any vainglorious or conceited way. You need to understand you have flaws and limitations. You also have many unique and admirable qualities about yourself. You will not be everybody’s cup of tea. Some people are attracted to plus size men/women and some are not. Some find ebony skin to be very beautiful and some do not. Some like those with pale skin and some do not. There is always at least one person out there for every body. No matter your physical looks, or if you are differently abled as they say, there is always some one out there for you. I believe that. I mean after all why spend effort on someone who is not interested in you as you are? This is not to say that you have unhealthy weight, way above/below bmi index, that you should not work on your health, you should. This is not to say that if we have undesirable personality traits that we should not work to better ourselves, we should.
To the Christians and truth seekers reading this. Islam is balanced and Islam speaks to the realities upon which human beings are made and fashioned.
Divorce is not desirable in Islam, yet it can be a solution. To ask someone to stay in a marriage of abuse is not in the spiritual well being of the individual.
Polygamy. Many marriages end because of marital infidelity. Women in Islam are entitled to stability and not having to have their life be in a state of flux and chaos. Thus, poligamy is allowed in Islam to address the man who may have a higher libido than other men. However, that is not the only reason. There are a plethora of other reasons why it maybe allowed and encouraged. All with the aim of keeping family stability.
Islam offers timeless, real and concrete solutions to the challenges faced by humanity. The West is in a constant dance, moving from left to right. It is on a pendulum that never fully rest upon its axis. It swings some times more further to the right and others further to the left. The task of the Muslim is to be balanced, upon the guidance of the Qur’an and the Sunnah.
Neither feminism nor mgtow offer solutions to the Muslim. They are misguided attempts and human efforts to correct perceived injustices. It is very obvious that feminism and mgtow are not helpful towards the continued survival of Western culture and civilization.
In the words of Sherly Crow: “If it makes you happy Then why the hell are you so sad?”
May Allah (swt) guide us all to a way that is just.
Prima Quran 