“O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah ; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.” (Qur’an 49:12)
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“As salamu alaykum. I am writing to you about my fiancée. He is a very pious Muslim and he recently asked about my past. To be more clear he asked about my sexual history and this made me very uncomfortable. I thought when we convert to Islam all our previous sins are forgiven.”
Dear respected sister, walakum salam wr wb, you are correct that when you enter into Islam all of your past mistakes, sins, errors are erased from Allah (swt). The question of your future husband is coming from a place of possible jealousy, which is natural and also from a place of safety, which is fair.
It is important for one to understand that sins can be forgiven and this relates to the afterlife. You will not be punished. However, there are some sins that carry effects in this life. That is why you will still feel the effects of sin in this life.
Do allow us to elaborate. Anyone who has a sexual history prior to marriage owes it to themselves as well as to their future spouse to at the very least get a blood test done.
Your past is your past and, yes, it is wrong for your future husband to inquire about it. He may ask if you are a virgin, and you can answer if you wish or not. However, going into details about your past or pressing you further is out of bounds.
What you could propose and what we would suggest to you and any converted Muslim ever faced with this question is the following: First, be unwavering in your commitment to Allah (swt) and assure your future spouse of this. Be unwavering in your resolve that your past is your past. However, what you could propose is that both you and your spouse take a blood test and share the results. This way, your honour and his/her honour are all either protected or brought into question in a way that is fair and just to both parties.
The reason we say this is that people who are born and raised as Muslims, even in righteous households, also get up to nonsense and haram things. There are people who have all the outward signs of an observant Muslim but inside their hearts are very dark. Allah (swt) knows best. So it is also possible that your fiancée has a past that you do not know about.
So our advice to you ladies and gentlemen is to give a very firm and diplomatic response.
Q: “Are you a virgin?” A: “I appreciate your concern and to put your mind at ease I can propose that we both take a blood test to ensure that we are both safe.”
To the brothers reading this, it is a woman’s prerogative if she wishes to answer that question or not. This is not about a person having a sexual past. There are those who have been molested or sexually violated and asking them about their past brings up trauma that they have moved beyond.
If the question is repeated, you can offer the same response. If the question is a dealbreaker for that individual, you can simply walk away from it, and Allah (swt) will open other doors for you. Insh’Allah.
So, on that note to any brothers/sisters reading this who do have a past, we would urge you to get tested for your own sake and for that of your future spouse or any children you have.
In Islam, protection of one’s lineage (ḥifẓ al-nasl / ḥifẓ al-nasab) is considered one of the five essential objectives of the Sharīʿah (maqāṣid al-sharīʿah). These objectives are:
Protection of religion (ḥifẓ al-dīn)
Protection of life (ḥifẓ al-nafs)
Protection of intellect (ḥifẓ al-ʿaql)
Protection of lineage/progeny (ḥifẓ al-nasl)
Protection of wealth (ḥifẓ al-māl)
If you have an unfortunately positive blood test, you do not despair because you may find a partner that is in a similar situation, and you can both try to adopt children or be surrogate parents. You may also embrace the fullness of all life has to offer without having children.
Again, your fiancée does have the right to ask that question, and you have the right to answer yes/no or as we proposed, a diplomatic response. Some people may see your lack of a yes/no response as not being forthright. They say to offer a diplomatic response is to be ambiguous. We do not agree with that. The reason we propose that type of response is that to ask that question is to question your honour, and you likewise have the right to question their honour.
Also, if you start off a relationship having even the smallest seed of distrust or doubt, it is best to back off altogether. Relationships, especially marriages, are built upon trust.
Allah (swt) knows best and the help of Allah (swt) is sought.
“Sadaqah are for the poor and the needy, and those employed to administer the (funds); for those whose hearts have been (recently) reconciled (to Truth); for those in bondage and in debt; in the cause of Allah; and for the wayfarer: (thus is it) ordained by Allah, and Allah is full of knowledge and wisdom.” (Qur’an 9:60)
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This post is for you, the Muallafatul Quloob. What a beautiful description. Those whose hearts have been reconciled to Allah.
Some people who have recently reconciled their hearts to Allah prefer to be called converts and some prefer to be called reverts. There is no need to have a huge ordeal about this.
Convert has its etymology in Latin, which can mean: To turn around, to transform, to alter direction. All of these are apt descriptions of the Muallafatul Quloob.
Revert is to turn to a previous state. So those who choose this word mean that they are returning to the fitra.
First advice: On declaring your testification of faith. As has been transmitted as the mass practice from the time of the Blessed Messenger (saw), you need to say the testimony of faith in front of two sane adult individuals. The moment you believe in Islam in your heart, you are already a Muslim and insh’Allah. If you die before your testimony, you die upon Islam! However, the testimony of faith is because you are entering a community of 1.7 billion people worldwide. You have rights upon them, and they have rights upon you. You have obligations to them, and they have obligations to you.
Introverted personalities. Please do not be dissuaded from becoming a Muslim because you have seen countless YouTube videos of people declaring their faith publicly in front of huge crowds or throngs at the Masjid (Mosque). It is your right to disclose this to the local Imam of the Masjid (Mosque). You are an introverted personality type, perhaps have anxiety issues. Therefore, you do not need to take your shahada in such a public setting. As long as you do so in front of the two required witnesses. This includes speaking engagements or public talks. If it is outside your comfort zone, you are simply not obliged.
You do not need to wear your Islam on your sleeve. That means you don’t have to feel obligated to go out and buy the “I Love Islam” T-Shirt or “Islam is my way of life” bumper sticker and put that on your car. For those who do that, Al hamdulillah, that is good! But it is not necessary.
Take things slowly. Do not be overwhelmed by all the information that well-intentioned brothers/sisters will send to you. So, at this point, the most important aspects of Islam from a ritualistic aspect are the following:
The most important sacred connection rites. In English the bland word ritual is used.
However, we are talking about sacred technology.
Learning how to take a proper bath (junuub/ghusl). Sounds silly, but we are not talking about popping in for a hot shower and a quick scrub.
Learning how to make wudhu (ritual ablution before prayer)
Learning the prayer. We would highly recommend for the prayer for you to have a note pad or something visual in which you can read along during the prayer. You keep doing this until you no longer need that note pad or visual guide. May Allah suffice you!
There are selected invocations also called du’a that Muslims incorporate throughout the day.
We would highly recommend the following:
Selected Prayers : A Collection of Du’a (Supplications) from the Qur’an and Sunnah by Dr. Jamal Badawi -a fantastic book.
Fasting during Ramadan.
If it is Ramadan, then you are advised to learn what is required of you for the month of fasting. If you have health conditions, or are prescribed medication, you must consult with your trusted Muslim advisor on this. The best would be an Imam who is trained in Islamic jurisprudence.
Other aspects of Islamic jurisprudence you as a convert/revert may wish to take note of.
Your inheritance. What happens to your assets and belongings when you die? Who does it go to? Do you inherit from your non-Muslim family? Do they inherit from you?
Funeral arrangements. Any of us could die at any time. Islam has its own prescribed method of washing and burying the dead.
For married women/men, converts/reverts. If you are married and your husband/wife is not a Muslim. What are you advised to do?
Dietary requirements. Most people think that Muslims do not eat pork and that is all. There is more to it than this.
Not everything Muslims say is Islam actually is Islam.
(Beware false information and cultural Islam)
What we mean by this is the following: Islam is a faith based upon proof and evidence. Anyone can advance any claim in this faith as long as they have proof or evidence to back this up. That being said, even if they produce proof or evidence the way they understand it may not be the proper way to understand it. It could have nuance or context that is even missed out by the one relaying the information.
If someone says, for example, you must wear socks when you pray in the mosque, or not wear pink in the mosque, or whatever, our advice do not argue with them. Many of them are mean well. Thank them for their advice. “I will take that on board.” “May Allah bless you”. “I will look into this.” If you have any questions, please consult the Imam or the one learned in Islamic jurisprudence.well-intentioned
Know that by entering into Islam all past sins are forgiven…..HOWEVER.
Once you have entered into Islam, all of your past sins are forgiven without doubt. Be it the most heinous or unspeakable. Allah (swt) calls you, “Muallafatul Quloob” That means your conflict with Allah, with God, is now over. You are a Muslim. This means you humbly surrender, you gladly and willfully submit to the will of Allah.
Your conflict with yourself is ongoing until you master yourself. Your conflict with Satan is on going until he gives up hope of inciting you to go astray.
That being said, in the world and the realm of humans, if you break a law or infraction, anything from a traffic violation, to tax evasion, to murder, you will still be held accountable by their legal code.
Likewise, in Islam, if you owe anyone any legal debt, you need to settle with them.
If you have hurt anyone in your life or wronged anyone, you need to at the very least reach out to that person and ask forgiveness or make amends. If they do not welcome reconciliation, that is upon them. You tried.
Maintain your ties to your family and friends. As long as those ties are not toxic or unhealthy for your new walk with Allah, you are recommended to keep those ties.
Do not disclose every personal detail about yourself, your past etc. Not everyone (including Muslims) has the best intentions.
We have seen this time and time again. Many converts, especially westerners, want to tell the world about their unislamic past. You did this with that many women or men, you did drugs, you drank alcohol, you were abused, you were in gangs. That is not only absolutely unnecessary but totally unadvisable. Not only are you broadcasting sins that Allah (swt) has now forgiven by your conversion, but you are opening yourself up to being judged by the community. Muslims are not perfect; Muslims use Islam as a guide to strive towards perfection.
We cannot underscore this point enough. Less is more. You need to learn to deflect conversation and be assertive at times.
We know as converts many times we want to tell about our ordeal in life, it’s almost therapeutic. You want to unload all the trauma and ordeal. Unload that now upon Allah (swt).
We know it sucks, however, we are going to tell you here and now. That community that is happy that you embraced Islam and sees you as someone elevated in their eyes, as soon as you talk about your past bf’s, gang life, failed marriages etc. many of them begin to write you off as a potential candidate for their son or daughter to marry. We are being honest with you. You take our advice or you leave it.
Sure, talk about your passions, your goals in life, hobbies and interests. Leave the personal stuff to the trusted people in your life. (Who may or may not be Muslim).
Remind them and remind yourself, “Every time Satan reminds you of your past, you remind Satan of his future.” Your past has now been changed by becoming “Muallafatul Quloob” whereas Iblis, Satan, is consigned to the flames and what an evil destination that is!
Go where love is.
What do we mean by this? Different people and different communities have different atmospheres and vibes. So, if one particular Mosque (Masjid) or community does not feel welcoming insh’Allah, find one that is. You may also wish to check out reviews of local mosque or islamic centres online.
Do not be a KPI convert & do ask for help!
What do we mean by KPI convert? You have people working for organizations trying to bring the message of Islam to the not-yet Muslims. These organizations will often put soft pressure on their representatives to convert people to Islam. So, they have a KPI (Key Performance Index) of how many people converted to Islam this week or this month. Your shahada (testification of faith) is recorded and maybe uploaded on social media (often without your consent). You are given some books and literature and off you go!
This is so wrong on so many levels!
When a man or woman converts to Islam, you should have two people assigned or attached to you to check up on you on a day-to-day basis. They should try and direct you to the scholars and learned people. They should inquire (if you are open to it) about if you have any pressing problems, financial, emotional, psychological. Again, access if you want to share as some of these pressing challenges can be deeply personal.
In other words, there should not be a situation where you convert to Islam and people just wash their hands of you. Beyond injustice is this approach.
Likewise, you have to have realistic expectations of the Muslim community. Not everyone is going to be able to assist with paying your debts, medical expenses, etc.(should you have them). Often, individual Muslims themselves struggle with and juggle many things. May Allah (swt) suffice us all.
Conversion to Islam is solely about connection to Allah (swt) and benefiting from the teachings of Islam to navigate one’s way through life, come what may.
Special warning or advice to women converts to Islam.
We would strongly advise you sisters to be extra careful about sudden marriage proposals and request; especially from those who are not citizens of your respective country.We are not saying such requests are not sincere. However, there are too many cases where a good-hearted and naïve Muslim convert woman rushes to marry someone from overseas, only to find out later that she was being used as a springboard for visa sponsorship, permanent residency and citizenship and later divorced. May Allah suffice us. Do reach out to your circle of Muslim sisters and have their spouses, brothers, and fathers assist you in vetting the background and intention of those seeking your hand in marriage. Do have your interests safeguarded as well.
If they do not teach you recitation of the Qur’an or do not emphasize learning Arabic. RUN!
This is usually a sure sign that you have stumbled upon a deviant expression of Islam that is far from the path. There should not be any reason why anyone would want to keep you from learning Arabic.
Of course, you go at your own pace and at your own target. Yet any community you join spends too much time talking about esoteric matters, conflicts that happened among Muslims in the past, politics and such, and they do not encourage you to learn how to read and recite the Qur’an, they do not encourage you to learn classical Arabic. RUN!
There is no good reason that if you show an interest or an aptitude to want to learn how to read the Qur’an or learn Arabic that you should not be assisted in this matter. Any community or group who belies the importance of this is a community that does not want to empower you. A community that does not want you to be connected to the sources is a community that does not want you to reflect and research.
When asked challenging questions about Islam from the sincere, the insincere, the scoffers, or the antagonistic,
Remember there may be more than one response to a particular question. The best and brightest scholars do not have all the answers. Sometimes what Allah (swt) has given in insight to one scholar has not been given to another scholar. Always seek out various responses to thorny issues or difficult subjects. Look at what is honest and consistent and what corresponds to the Qur’an and the teachings of the Blessed Prophet (saw).
We do hope this is helpful and honest for you as the Muslim convert/revert.
May Allah forgive our short comings and to all of you welcome to Islam. Welcome home!
We can recommend this basic book for learning Islam:
Prima Quran 